Saving by Submission

Series on Colossians

II The Man in Christ

B Conduct

2 Family

Text: 3:18-21

Introduction

If you have watched any royal weddings lately you may perhaps have noticed that even in those iconic circumstances the couple have chosen to remove the word obey from the wife’s vow. Many people do it. It would be hard to think of anything more contrary to our modern liberal democratic vision of freedom and liberty than having one person, any person, say to another that they will obey. In Paul’s day households had slaves. We no longer have those. moreover we don’t have wives that obey their husbands or children that obey their parents. We have a society in which the word “obedience” is anathema. I am not making a case for slavery or for abused wives and children. Let’s gain a rational insight into this matter which is culturally abhorrent. In the section of the Westminster Larger Catechism dealing with the fifth commandment to honor our fathers and mothers, there is an extended list of examples of duties of inferiors to superiors, of superiors to inferiors, and of equals to one another. Just saying the words inferior and superior today makes the hackles go up. Of course the framers of the catechism were only using the words in the simple sense of above and below, or over and under with no other implications. In other words you may be a better person than your mayor or governor, but they are over you and you are under them. You may know more and work harder than your boss at your job, but he is over you and you are under him. As a wife you may be smarter or stronger or more skilled than your husband, but he is over you and you are under him and it has nothing to do with your talents or worth. It is strictly social assignment like being a citizen or an employee. Let’s defuse the tide of emotion that these terms evoke and consider what the Apostle says. Here we have , if you will forgive me, instructions to inferiors and to superiors. Wives and children are the ones called to obey and husbands and fathers are the ones called to tender care. Slaves and masters will be dealt with in the next section. Consider helpmates, heirs, husbands and heads.

I Helpmates

God made he woman according to Genesis to be a helper to the man as we read in 2:18, The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Thus it is that Paul says here in verse 18, Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. It is fitting because it follows God’s pattern of design. It is not because men are better than women. Each of the genders is better at some things than the other. They are meant to compliment one another. That is simply the way God made us. Marriage is the closest union possible between two human beings. Two cannot walk together unless they are agreed. That is an axiom of human existence with which no one can argue. The problem is that two intelligent people can never hope to agree on everything. Shall they be paralyzed and made ineffective and shall their relationship be downgraded and disrupted? It must not be. The only answer is to have leaders and followers. That is why the Scripture exhorts us to follow the leader and honor those over us in every sphere of life, in the church, in the home and in society at large. We may strongly disagree with civil authorities, with the elders of our church, with the head of the family and with our parents, but if we do not submit and follow then chaos results. Revolutions in societies, schisms in churches, and, ruined families are the result. Sometimes any or all of these are necessary and inevitable, but the vast majority of the time they are the result of a failure to follow God’s order. The word “submit” in this verse bears more scrutiny. This Greek word is used to describe believers’ submission to our Lord Jesus Christ, submission to governmental authorities, submission of slaves to their masters. There is no question about the meaning. John MacArthur writes, “In spite of its straightforward clarity, Paul’s simple statement has been widely challenged in our day, even by those claiming to be evangelicals. Many argue that Paul’s teaching on this theme is not Spirit-inspired, but reflects his chauvinistic, rabbinic attitude toward women.” Either these people are of the opinion that we can pick and choose what we want from Scripture, or they assert that Paul’s teaching on authority and submission was cultural, and does not apply to our society. None of the critics, however, would argue that Paul’s statement in 3:19 is cultural and that men are no longer required to love their wives. Jesus said he came not to do His own will but the will of Him who sent Him. He said he did always those things which pleased His Father. Is anyone willing to assert that the doctrine of the Trinity is an error and that the Son is not equal in power and glory to the Father? If Jesus submitted to His Father in every thing, then equality is not the issue here, The issue is God’s order in society and it is time, for the sake of marriages and families that we listen to the divine word and not the foolish words of men.

II Heirs

Our children are our heirs and they inherit from us not only physical characteristics and property, they are spiritual heirs of what we believe and do. Consequently Paul writes in verse 20, Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Most kids would agree with the experience of Mark Twain who wrote, “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” Parents are not always right and in fact may frequently be wrong, They are human and to err is human, to forgive divine. I looked up parental authority on the internet and one of the lead articles was entitled,” Scared of Your Defiant Child? Learn How to Get Back Your Parental Control.” That article assumes that at some point you had control and it is exactly right. The disaster envisioned here is the result of carelessness and neglect at an earlier time. The assumption was made, and it is a frequent mistake, that children will grow up sweet and compliant. No, they have to be taught, and the first thing they need to learn is who is in charge. Paul’s advice was easier to digest in a time when parental respect was more prevalent. Disrespect is the normal thing now. It’s considered the “in thing” to blame your parents. In the Old Testament striking or cursing one’s parents was punishable by death. Lev. 20:9 says, If anyone curses his father or mother, he must be put to death. He has cursed his father or his mother, and his blood will be on his own head. In describing the last days in II Timothy 3:22 Paul writes, People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy. Any time you pick up a newspaper or turn on your TV you see these things happening. Children are free to disobey their parents only when their parents tell them do do something that God has forbidden. The same is true of submissive wives. But notice our text says in “everything” else they are to obey, even if they believe that their parents are wrong. Spanking a child is considered outdated and cruel but Proverbs 22:15 says, Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him. When are we going to start rejecting the psycho-babble of our culture and believe what God says? We are getting what we deserve when our children turn against us.

III Husbands

Verse 19 reminds the husbands that they are in submission too. Not to their wives and not to their children, but to Christ, Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. In Ephesians these husbands are counseled to love their wives as Christ loved the church. There Paul describes that love in 5:25-27, Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. The love of Christ for the Church mirrors God’s love for His people, Israel, in the Old Testament. In Ezekiel 16 God describes His love for Israel in verses 3-13, Your ancestry and birth were in the land of the Canaanites; your father was an Amorite and your mother a Hittite. On the day you were born your cord was not cut, nor were you washed with water to make you clean, nor were you rubbed with salt or wrapped in cloths. No one looked on you with pity or had compassion enough to do any of these things for you. Rather, you were thrown out into the open field, for on the day you were born you were despised. “‘Then I passed by and saw you kicking about in your blood, and as you lay there in your blood I said to you, “Live!” I made you grow like a plant of the field. You grew and developed and entered puberty. Your breasts had formed and your hair had grown, yet you were stark naked. “‘Later I passed by, and when I looked at you and saw that you were old enough for love, I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your naked body. I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Sovereign Lord, and you became mine. ‘I bathed you with water and washed the blood from you and put ointments on you. I clothed you with an embroidered dress and put sandals of fine leather on you. I dressed you in fine linen and covered you with costly garments. I adorned you with jewelry: I put bracelets on your arms and a necklace around your neck, and I put a ring on your nose, earrings on your ears and a beautiful crown on your head. So you were adorned with gold and silver; your clothes were of fine linen and costly fabric and embroidered cloth. Your food was honey, olive oil and the finest flour. You became very beautiful and rose to be a queen. The news is full of women and wives being abused. What a contrast to God’s tender care for His wife and Bride. Husbands are to be like Christ in caring for their wives. Men often miss the boat because they do not understand how tender a woman is. They do and say things that they regard as unimportant but they hurt a woman deeply because they are harsh. I like the illustration of an umbrella. God has made you your wife’s umbrella to shelter her and protect her in life. This is what love does.

IV Heads

Paul’s final word in verse 21 has to do with rearing children. It is for both parents, or for a single parent, but it is addressed to Fathers as the normal head of the family. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. The word translated embitter means to provoke, arouse, or make resentful. This happens when parents are inconsistent. It does not happen because children are justly punished, but when parents do something because of their own sinful mood, or impatience, or bad temper which is unjust. Children have an innate sense of fairness. And parenting is a reciprocal thing. In Paul’s day children were considered unimportant or inconsequential. When children were brought to Jesus the disciples threatened to send them away. Jesus said “Let them come to me.” Usually in the Graeco-Roman world problems were always the fault of the wife and children. In some ways that is still the case in modern muslim cultures. All the rights were on the man’s side. The Bible does speak of strong discipline, but it does not mean abusive or inconsistent punishments. Obviously when the children are very young it is impossible for the parents to explain the rationale for rules. The problem is that many people never leave this stage. They are still treating teenagers as kids who should be seen and not heard. As the child matures they must be taken more and more into confidence and then they will not become embittered. They need to be shepherded in such a way that they begin to internalize the principles you have been teaching. As the child matures the parent needs to share more and more of the reasons for things. Likewise the parent needs to admit when they have sinned by being unjust or overly severe on occasions when they are. This teaches more about the relationship of true submission than a thousand words. If you want your child to believe he is a sinner and turn to Jesus for forgiveness he has to see it in you. Remember Paul’s advice in Ephesians is to submit to one another in the fear of the Lord. This means husbands to wives and parents to children and vice-versa. It does not change the God given order but it teaches us how to implement that order graciously by being humble and loving.